On Friday night, my book club met. Our discussion was not the "Hunger Games" but because it had just been released and some of the women had read the book we discussed it anyway. The women of my book club are varying ages. They are well-read, well-thought, compassionate and generous women. Their combined wisdom is inspiring. It was interesting to me to hear their take on a book and movie that somehow managed to grab the attention of nearly an entire generation of teenagers.
In the dark theater that night an entire society was playing out. When teenagers gather it is a social system rivaled by....nothing. There were the quiet ones, invisible to the rest, sitting, waiting for the movie to start. There were the ones secure in their popularity, laughing, texting, moving around the theater while the kids that wanted to be near them, moved along too. Were they all happy to be there? I think so. Were they all feeling secure and accepted? Not a chance.
The women of my book club, for the most part, felt "The Hunger Games" was too violent. The violence is not the book. It is a genre of reading I generally avoid. I started reading this series based on a recommendation from my adult nieces. They are widely read and know me well. They assured me I would not be able to put this book down. They were right. I choose to accept the violence in order to feel the story.
When I was a kid, we moved several times. I learned to adapt. I was the new kid in school in sixth grade and again in ninth grade. I went to small schools where I knew everyone, I went to large schools where I was invisible. I wasn't bullied, I always had friends. I wasn't the most popular but I was on the wild edge of the popular crowd. I hated High School.
My husband Marty, lived in the same small town his entire life. He was part of a large farming community where three or four family names were prevalent and he and most of his friends came from those families. He didn't have to learn to adapt. He was accepted because of his last name. He would tell you, High School was hard.
When our kids were in school we moved..twice. They started out as my husband did from a community where they knew everyone and then they had to learn to adapt. They were four very separate personalities and I think they would all say different things about those years, the one thing they would agree on. High School was hard.
High school is entering hostile territory. Everyday you must show up, it is literally the law. Unlike a job, you don't care for..you have no choice. It is preparation for the society you will live in for the rest of your life. It is filled with the same players, the same social situations, the same successes and failures that you will face as an adult. The difference is, you have no experience with it. You also have no choice. You must learn the rules and they change everyday. It is in High School that you learn, who you are and what you stand for.
It is an Education Philosophy that there is zero tolerance for bullying, yet I would guess that almost all kids would tell you that isn't true. It isn't true for school because it isn't true for the real world. Bullies are alive and well and they are everywhere.
The book "The Hunger Games", and the 2 books that follow are full of physical violence but I don't think that is why the kids embrace them. I think they embrace them for the three main characters. Katniss, Gale and Peeta.These kids live in hostile territory, they have learned who they are and what they stand for. They care well for the people they love and they do what they must to survive. They intentionally hurt no one. The world is full of terrible role-models. They make the news every single day. If these three fictional characters can grab the attention of millions of teenagers, there is a chance for a subtle change. We must all know who we are, but more importantly we must know what we stand for.
Then there is this: For Mike, school was a nightmare. The bad days far outweighed the good.He cared well for the people he loved, he did what he had to to survive, he intentionally hurt no one. By the time Mike reached High School, he had it down. He knew who he was and what he stood for, he just needed to put in the time and get on to his dreams. When he left the closed society of High School, when he no longer felt that he had to try to conform, he was free to be who he wanted to be. The guy he had spent the last 13 years getting to know. He went to college and started to lay-down his own trail. When he graduated and accepted his first full-time job, he was driving a black Nissan pick-up that he called the POS. It had no reverse. The job he accepted was in Idaho. When people said "how are you going to get all the way to Idaho in that thing", he said "I just won't back up". He found that what was important was being true to yourself. He embraced his non-conformity and in doing so he began a life of honoring...himself. Mike drove his life in forward. He never backed up.
This is what I know: There is physical violence and then there are words that can destroy you like no physical act can. Cuts, scrapes and broken bones heal, words leave scars that last a lifetime. High school is hard, Adult life is hard. You must know who you are. When Mike died, we were surrounded by community. We felt the love that comes from living in an area for 30 years and calling it home. Three years later when our youngest daughter divorced we found ourselves in hostile territory. Some of the same people that had embraced us when we lost Mike, turned on us when Heidi left. In the short span of three years our family was in the public eye for two very different reasons. We had left the house we raised our family in and moved to the home Mike owned. In doing so we put ourselves deep in the bull-pen of the opposing team. For the first time since I was in High School, I remembered what it felt like to not fit in. The rules had changed and I spent everyday trying to remember who I am and what I stand for. Unlike High School, we don't have to stay. Marty and I have had many conversations about the future. This is what I know:
This is home.
A line from a favorite song of mine"where you walk the streets and think you're home..but mostly your alone. This is home." I know who I am, I know what I stand for.
Last week, I had my grand-son late in the afternoon while his Mom was working. When it came time to give him a ride home, I buckled him into his booster and handed him "Dot" the GPS. He loves this thing and treats it like a Ipod touch. He changes the maps, runs through the menu and listens when "Dot tells him we are "recalculating". He keeps an open atlas on his lap in case "Dot" fails to tell us where we are going. I got in the front and was buckling my own seat belt. Nolan turned "Dot" on and then he said this "Nannie I looked at this thing and it says, we are right where we are supposed to be".
I'm gonna take that as a sign.
The cliche' "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" needs to go away. It is generally said by someone as a way of consoling someone in deep pain, but the truth is, sometimes what doesn't kill you, can.
Make no mistake, the book "Hunger Games" really isn't about "the games" at all. We need to live our lives in forward. Don't sit in nuetral, don't back-up.
There is no doubt that teenagers need good role-models, Adults may need them more.
till next time.
Nolan has become my "yoda" - that young man is so wise! Not a day goes by that I don't hear his voice in my head saying "Where am I going? What am I doing?"!
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